10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD AVOID TAKING YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY
1. It requires a lot of work, (and anything that makes you shed copious amounts of blood, sweat, or tears is not good for your heath or happiness).
2. It can give you a pain in the tummy, the head, or the toes (frankly, anything that involves belching, brain bashing, and bunions is definitely not going to make you feel hunky-dory).
3. It demands that you be right every time (and let’s face it, odds are that you’re bound to blunder, blank out, blow a fuse and be sent to the naughty stool whether you like it or not).
4. It will give you a furrowed brow and freaky frown lines (besides, those expensive botox treatments will empty your wallet, and what you need is laugh lines which are so much more becoming on you).
5. It squishes and squashes your inner imp and imagination, (remember, that klutzy kid who loved to pet rocks or snort and blow milk out his/her nose, it’s time to come out and play!)
6. It will never allow you to fulfill your destiny and your place in the sun or the real Universe – whichever comes first; (besides, God loves all those crazy critters and cockammie contraptions, even those loopy little square pegs that don’t fit into those little round holes).
7. It will not win you any friends and influence people (unless the only folks who enjoy hanging out with you are hobgoblins, ogres or trolls).
8. It makes you too big to fill your breeches or bathing attire (and anyone who boasts, brags, and babbles on about themselves will be called a “sucky-faced smart-ass” or worse yet, a “Pecksniffian Chuzzlewit”; do really want that on your tombstone?)
9. It will put you in the bad books of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Great Pumpkin (and a fate worse than death, a vexing visit from a burning bush better known as the “Almighty Bob”).
10. Your antics will do nothing to assist scientists the world over determine when the “Big Bang” happened, where the missing matter of the Universe went, what sort of stuff is going in dimensions 13 to 22 of the universe or, how to put Humpty Dumpty back together again without the aid of glue, (all of which boggles the brains of the Society for the Prevention of Prevalence, the Polite Federation of Gents-Consequential, and the Mysterious Order of the Undeciperable Scroll).
If you can’t recall these ten reasons, then remind yourself, it’s not all about you anyway! In a hundred years or more, whatever you’re so worked up about won’t really matter, except maybe to the Guardians of the Pathetic Pondering Pool.
So, just get over yourself. It helps if you can ignore asking the mirror on the wall a ridiculous question such as “who is the fairest of them all?” Instead, try focusing on the good in some one else for a change. Better yet, why not give your testy tongue and gorgeous gums a rest today!